5 Answers Every Interviewer Wants To Hear & Every Interviewee Can’t Give

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Gone are those days when youngsters seeking jobs formed queues outside offices to win the prized trophy of that one fairy-tale vacancy. Today, they create jobs. They are talented and they know it! And it is time your company’s lethargic HR policies, know it too.

Don’t you think the companies must change their pattern of questions for the potential candidates, because the legacy of such questions is being dragged decades after decades and let’s accept it – they are nothing but a pain in the ass for the interviewees. If we can have start-ups from garages ringing The Wall Street bell, sure we can make changes to a core strategy of hiring suitable candidates who are ballsy to take your company to a level you are dreaming of. And if you think you deserve top-class talent to serve your company, then show it too. You cannot talk of being number one with HR policies kissing the era of 80s. Companies in India have to rise up to this alarming need of changes at the root-level else instead of aiming to create history, they will be become one.

Here are those top five questions, answers of which are pre-conceived in the minds of the interviewer, are asked time and again, choking every interviewee to wishful replies.

1. Tell us your strengths and weaknesses.

(What They Want To Hear)
I am a hard worker, a team player and perfectionist. My perfectionism is also my weakness.

(What They Can’t Say)
I am a hard worker, a team player and a perfectionist. And lately, I have developed a quality to play with the words at interviews like these. I work hard because…because… hey wait, do I have a choice? By team player I mean I empathize with my colleagues who are also going through the same shit but keeping shut and putting up a brave face, so I join the herd since I need those bucks in my account on first of every month. And yea, I am a perfectionist. I have mastered the art of office politics and how I have to hit on babes at work and come out clean, delete the last browsing history and temporary files in the system, lick boss’s ass when he has cracked the worst joke on the entire planet and smile while staring at my system when I am dying a death inside knowing the meager monies I am slogging my ass for.

My weaknesses are getting drunk on Friday evening and partying late till Sunday night and since I am a human being, I feel lazy to get up for work off and on so there are times I won’t be able to report on time, especially on Mondays. And for times like these, my strength to give world-class excuses (which I have obviously earned at my previous organizations I have no qualms in giving the credit to) also comes handy.

2. Why did you leave xyz company?

(What They Want To Hear)

I have had one of the best stints with my last company and it was a pleasure working for a brand like theirs, there couldn’t have been anything better. I was looking for growth and change and the two reasons got me moving. Otherwise, it was one of the best workplaces I have ever been to.

(What They Can’t Say)

Because I was almost about to fall in love with them and a wise man has said, “Never fall in love, always rise!” Duh! What kind of a question is this? What do you want to know? What kind of office politics I am coming out from? That I wasn’t given enough raise when I thought I deserved a fortune? Obviously, I needed growth and I was bored with the same shit I was doing day in and day out. The odd hours of work and being called to play the role of stepney on weekends and public holidays while those female colleagues of mine were treated like Goddesses for doing nothing, (err, actually lots) and I was nothing but a fool working hard not just on my shifts but theirs, giving my all and in the end looking like a jackass!

3. Where do you see yourself ten years from now?

(What They Want To Hear)

I see myself a very successful leader, doling out a good fortune for the company I will have my name attached with.

(What They Can’t Say)

Dude, are you serious? 10 YEARS!! Woah! Like, do you even know what shit you will be going through 10 days from now? If you do, then first tell me that and trust me I would put all my brains to answer this one just for you. And you know the answer above must have satisfied all your stupid senses but you think I am as dumb as you to be giving my precious life working for someone else or asking the same set of questions to the new generation and letting them think what I am thinking about you right now? Phew. One thing is for sure, I ain’t working for you ten fucking years from now

4. Give references

(What They Want To Hear)

Mr so & so with designations and phone numbers.

(What They Can’t Say)

Really? My clearance of this interview depends on someone else? Although I have also heard some nice stories about your company, the way your top bosses sack the hell out of juniors in a day’s time, I never refrained from applying for a job here then what are you digging out my past for? And you know, while I will obviously won’t give you those people’s contact details I have had gruesome fights with, what’s the guarantee the people I am naming here haven’t changed? Moreover, if you can’t put in faith in me now sure you won’t later as well. And don’t tell me you haven’t cross-checked about me already! I am my own reference point. I don’t believe in fake representatives. Ask me & I will tell you all – Take it or leave it!

5. Why should we hire you?

(What They Want To Hear)

Seeing my background and the brands I have worked with, there’s no reason why your company should not. I think I will be your best bet and won’t let you down in the times of trial.

(What They Can’t Say)

If you don’t know the answer to THAT question, how do you expect me to answer or tell you something you are going to do. Did you ever ask your mom why did she give birth to you? I mean this question sounds exactly like that. Why would you keep this interview if you didn’t know in first place that ultimately you are going to hire someone and yet asking a ‘why’. So, my question to you is would you not hire anyone if the answer to this question is left blank in all other forms including mine?!

Moreover, if I tell you I am THE Rockefeller who can save your company in bad times, would you believe it? If you are hiring me now and going to pay me salary that I deserve in this very moment, why do you talk futuristic with me?! Who am I, a clairvoyant? And if you think so, would you pay me for being that as well. I guess not.
Phew.

And the list of such questions goes on.

We all know that foundation to any relationship is laid on truth and honesty; seldom are the careers in India built on it. You know why? Because each one of us knows we won’t get that smoking hot top job if we don’t give the most impressive answers. But deep down inside most of us die a death writing the scripted answers and hoping the hope of bagging another glossy entry to organizations, many of those not even caring for the people who are making it all happen at the lower levels, and celebrate becoming a part of the vicious circle.
When will we get real? Now? Never? …Ever?

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5 Answers Every Interviewer Wants To Hear & Every Interviewee Can’t Give